Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
