Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
