Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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