"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
