how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
