i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
