then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
