Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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