Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You're a waste of cheezeits
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
