pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
