So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
