You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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