Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
