told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
