What a fucking waste of an outfit
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
