It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
