Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
bring money and cleavage
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
