Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
