Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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