My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
