ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
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If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
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I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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