how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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