I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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