Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
