So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I love having hate sex.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
