Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
