How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I have already put on my inside pants.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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