Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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