mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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