It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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