I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
