i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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