i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
