allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I believe in your delicious
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
