I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
