i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
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why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
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Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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