Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
