Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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