ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
