you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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