the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
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Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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