my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
