The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Sober January is a disaster.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
