I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
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