I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
