you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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