who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
