whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
