what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
