Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
