I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
