i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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