I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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