i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
