I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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