she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
