who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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