It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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