I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
