What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
