look no pants
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.