wrigley field is MILF paradise
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.