i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?