Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
