he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize