Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
