She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
