I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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