Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
