Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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