Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
