I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
