Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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